my heart feels cracked

mike left for the navy today.

I got up at 9 (i usually wake at 10:30) just to call him on my dad's cell phone then, the phone had no more juice, so i said the i'd call him back on the house phone. but the house phone wouldn't let me call him. so after a few frustrated tries, i plugge dthe cell into the wall and called back on it.

 I don't really care right now if i spell shit wrong. im really apathetic all of a sudden. then i hung around the house like i do every day. dad came home and i did some dishes. i felt really really tired so i went to bed a little while later he called for me but i ignored him. then mom came up and yelled to wake me up. i went to see what dad wanted. he wanted to yell at me for not doing some thing right. i don't remember what. then mom complained to me that i don't do enough work around the house. yet, when chrissy's around, they say she does eveything half assed and that i do a better job. what the fuck do they want? just make up your gad damned minds.

i started washing dishes. i felt sick and felt like i was gonna faint. i sat on the flor of the kitchen and hoped i wasn't gonna puke. i tried drinking water, but it was really hard to get it down.

then and hour later the phone rang. i went to pick it up because mike promised earlier that he'd call me from the hotel. but dad didn't see who it was fromt he call ID so he made me ignore itand got bitchy when i tried to see who it was. a few seconds later it rang again. i answered it before he could say anything. it was mike. i was really happy. i could just barley hear him though. we only got to talk for like, 4 and a half minutes. i cried almost the whole time that i talked to him. then when i hung up i cried some more. i watched the 70's house with my little brother to try to get my mind off it. it helped a little.

im so used to calling him every night at 10 or 10:30. now i don't know what im goning to do. i feel so alone. i just read kaite's blog about warped tour but that only made me sadder. I'm used to having friends to go with but i don't have anyone here. I could ask miles but he'll prolly go with seemon and danny. and when he has pre-made plans with them, i don't wanna ask to tag along cuz i feel like im just barging in unwanted. not to mention i feel like i annoy seemon... i can see why. for some reason, i act like an ass around him some times. just luck i guess. and danny, i just don't know him very well.

i can't stop feeling sad. i want to be home in lockport with my friends. i hate this fucknig place so much.